I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
