I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
