Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
