i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
My liver just broke up with me...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
