like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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