I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
