I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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