We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
