i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
