I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
