I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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