Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
