rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
