my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
