You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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