you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
