I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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