k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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