In the future we'll all be gay
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
