Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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