What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
