I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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