If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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