If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
