I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
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