Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
