i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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