I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
