I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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