Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
