New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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