I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
