Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
