I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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