I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
