all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
