You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Holy shit dude........stairs
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