My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
