Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
