My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
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