You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
