you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
