I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
