A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I would fuck him just for his dog
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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