Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
