In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
