Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
