help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
