Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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