Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
