Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
