I think I died a long time ago.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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