You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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